• Idle Chit Chat

A Short, Scientific Study on Cinema Showing Times: Where do you fall?

You can tell a lot about a person by their routines and when they choose to partake in certain activities. One particularly revealing instance of this is someone’s choice of cinema showing times. For we are creatures of habit, and tend to fall into one camp or the other. So much so that I suggest it should be a required question when joining any sort of dating app. It could really save us all a lot of time.

11:30am – You inevitably have a young child with whom, of course, all you want to do is watch How to Train Your Dragon 3 to a backing track of wailing toddlers in the morning. Ah, the beauty of cinema. Failing that you’re French and eccentric, entering the cinema with your café (noir obviously) and your morning croissant. A daylight cinema session allows you to be fresh and alert enough to appreciate the genius of Truffaut properly.

1.30pm – If it’s the weekend and it’s raining, you may have a case, but if not, I honestly don’t know what to do with you. You’re bizarre.

4pm – The sweet spot for some, but in the summer months can leave you very disorientated. Nothing more disconcerting than emerging bleary eyed from your dark confinement to find that, actually, the world is not a pastel-coloured musical complete with traffic jam dance.

5.30pm – You’re slightly under-occupied during the daytime but you’re also committed to meal times. A 5.30 viewing ensures you can make at least an 8pm dinner. This manic dinner time calculation is needless however, as you will undoubtedly stuff yourself with popcorn rendering dinner unnecessary and frankly a chore.

10.30pm – Let’s be honest. You’re clearly having an affair and you just want an alibi for smooching because no one wants to watch a film that ends at 12.30 (maybe 1am if you count the trailers!!) A burgeoning interest in the oeuvre of Stanley Kubrick can pull the wool over the eyes of any suspecting spouse and a quick Rotten Tomatoes search will provide you with all the info you need… “Yes, in fact, I did think that all of the film's provocation and jaded sexual politics are flavoured with histrionic cynicism and disillusion.” *

Midnight - This must either be a one-off showing of Francis Ford Coppola’s Apocalypse Now in a suitably worn and torn arthouse venue, or a Lord of the Rings viewing extravaganza. Either way, respect.

- Mia Sharp

*Peter Bradshaw, The Guardian